Not just on your birthday! by Shaun Phillips
In a marriage, sex can be exciting, fulfilling, and frequent. Then there can be a lull in sexual intimacy, which can be for several reasons. Sometimes for the husband, it may be just on his birthday. Why is that?
I am speaking to those guys that can relate and think it isn’t possible to have more regular intimacy with your spouse. Please stick with me as I share some easy steps you can take for more regular lovemaking with your wife.
Have there been times when you have been ready for a night of passion, and she is not?
How can you be raring to go, and she is not even getting warmed up?
The psychologist Mardy Grothe said, “Men are like microwaves, they heat up immediately, and women are like conventional ovens. They take 20 minutes.”
So guys, how do you get your wife warmed up? First, we are not talking about anything that goes on in the bedroom or just before intimacy. Quite sometime before that, a lifestyle that encourages you both to want to be close to each other.
Heat Level 1: Take out the Trash.
You may already help, taking out the rubbish or doing chores your wife asks you to do. How many do you do without asking? See the difference it makes when your wife comes to do a task or is about to ask, and you already did it.
How about telling her to put her feet up, relax and you will clean up and make the dinner? You are now turning on the oven and starting to get your wife warmed up.
Heat Level 2: How was your day, dear?
It can be far too easy to get home after work and, when asked how was our day, spend the next 30 mins talking about what happened to us. While our wives patiently wait to tell us about their day, only for us to finish what we have said and not even ask how their day was.
Instead, please give this a go, summarise your day in one sentence or word, and then ask her and listen. Even better, get in and be the first one to ask. Also, offer to make the dinner from Heat Level 1, and things can start hotting up!
Heat Level 3: Hugs & Hands
As we know, some people are more into hugs and other physical touches than others. If your wife is a hugger, give her lots and lots of them, especially if you are not. If she is less of a hugger, she will still appreciate you holding her hand sometimes, maybe when going for a walk or when she needs reassurance. She may wonder what is going on if you haven’t done this in a while. The key to all these activities is persistence and frequency, not just when you are feeling amorous.
Heat Level 4: The King of Compliments
There is no king of compliments. Any compliment you can give your wife is a good one. Just make sure it is a compliment before you say it! Tell her she is beautiful, tell her how well she has done something, and show how much you appreciate her. You may say these things in your head. However, when you share them, she will only ever benefit from them and help get the heat turned up.
Extra hot tip: If you hear your wife complaining or being pessimistic about herself, those are areas in which she is looking for reassurance.
Heat Level 5: Find out what she wants, what she really really wants
We have already been asking a few questions. Asking your wife questions is often an undiscovered superpower for men. The more you ask, the more you will feel like a hero, give it a go and see the response!
A big one is “What do you need?” and “How are you doing”. Finding out what your wife needs and supporting her in those areas takes her from medium to high heat. We must never assume we know the needs of others. What you need is not often the same as your wife.
You can find out how she likes to show love and receive it. Find out what works for her by using your new question superpower.
Heat Level 6: Tell her you love her every day.
Now we are getting ready for cooking. All of these tips are not for the day you are feeling aroused. These are for practicing daily, cultivating a new lifestyle of loving your wife well and consistently.
You need to love her regularly, so tell her and show it as often as possible. Hearing that you are loved frequently is uplifting, comforting, and reassuring, and it feels great.
Time to turn up the heat!
Maybe you have felt that more regular sexual intimacy wasn’t possible or that your wife had lost interest. I guarantee that by following these steps consistently for a few months, you can expect to notice an improvement in your sex life and your marriage overall.
About the Author…
Shaun loves people and is passionate about helping couples married again after divorce to break from the pain of the past, love each other well, and thrive together. He believes we can love with purpose, growing deeper and more fulfilling connections with our spouse that stand the test of time, becoming unbreakable. Shaun is a certified NLP master practitioner with experience helping people overcome fear, hurt and limiting beliefs affecting their lives. He is on a mission to see the end of marriage breakups, for a world to love each other as God intended. Visit Shaun’s website. Connect with him on Instagram and Twitter.
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